MY FEELING

look at the date now.
approximately for another 5 weeks,
i'll be leaving Kudat.
yeah...
a month to go.

feel like so burden.
you know the feeling like when you are carrying something like 1 tonne object.
my heart felt so heavy.
don't know whether i'll cry that day or not.
coz i'm kind of the guy that easy to cry.
not i'm sissy or a crybaby.
but it's my nature.
can say that i'm kind of an emotional guy.

feel like i'm starting to miss this place.
miss this house.
miss when the time i'm in front of my pc in a room full with shoes plus the awful ordor when it's raining season. phew.
miss my friends after 7 years of friendship.
miss my church.
miss my ministry here.
miss my pet cause i'm not taking them with me.
miss everything.

there's another 2 weeks to go before i'm sitting for STPM.
my mind so heavy now.
have to make the final boost until the exam.
like the Soyez did the boost to enter the atmosphere.

this time,
my mind suddenly went blank.
like a dotless paper with no ink on it.
so empty.
whenever i start my revision,
it's like the pen went off of ink.
can't write anything on the paper.

sometimes i understand the question,
but seems like i can't remember the answer for it.

feel so hopeless.
just bare not to imagine the time i'm in the real exam.

i've just realize that maybe i've wasted so many time on something that don't benefit me.
but when i'm think of it,
it doesn't seem like i'm wasting my time.
or maybe my time management was poor.
alwasy put much time on something stupid.

yeah.
maybe that's the reason.

if i am able to twist the time back,
maybe i can change the situation.
but i know it's totally, 100%, surely, no doubt of it, undeniable, definately, for sure,
IMPOSSIBLE

maybe i should stop thinking this bloody crap.
and start doing my work.
make the final boost.

i think it should work.
hopefully.

so better stop here.
STUDY, STUDY, STUDY, STUDY, STUDY.
that's it.

Ah~Jon, 加油加油！
i can make it.