just want to release something...

believe it or not...

my mom and i had a long coversation last night...

long enough till sore-throat this morning after i woke up...so geng de conversation...

we've talk about something mainly about the way we serve in church and the way people servein church...

just thinking of it can make me quite piss off...

sometime just want to give up to serve here...but still can't...

why?

1. i born to lead...haha...maybe you'll think i'm bullshitting...actually no...cause obveously we all born to lead...it's the fact...we were destined to lead from the time we are in our mother's womb...(just think of the race we had and you'll understand...)other then that, i was born in a leader family...since my dad is a rector for Kudat, Kota Marudu and Pitas district church...indirectly i have the responsibility to help my dad to lead the chuch...it's a hard job though...

2. it's my responsibility to God...i was born to serve Him...

3. my passion...i really love to serve Him and the churches...undescripable passion...

4. i have the responsibility to the churches here...

haizz....

just never thought before that it was that complicated...just found out...

then, why i want to fed up??

1. the way the churches treat each other...so miserable...they was just so miserable...

2. the churches attitude...can talk loudly, but cannot do it...very dai zek gong de...

3. they say they want to change, want to improve, but what they do was not according what they said...cao wu liao de...this is ok to me...but what make me piss off is whenever i tried to lead them to make improvement or changes...they reject it and say we don't need this changes...duhh... it's all bullshit man...very kou shi xin fei...niu tou bu dui ma zui...they don't see the future vision...it's ok with me...but what make me confused is they even can't see the present vision...always hold on to the past vision...so pathetic...

4. they hold to traditon to tightly...they still use tradition is ok to me...but they hold it to tightly until cannot even accept any changes upon it...my mom said according to Bible, we need to change accordingly...

there's many more i want to talk about...but i kind of forget it...haha~~~

besides that...we even talk about a big secret that i cannot reveal it...and i was forbidden to reveal it...haizz...

talk about how i serve in the church...am i using the wrong method??am i using the wrong thing??am i leading them to the wrong direction??or are they the one who don't want to accept it??

i just can't figure it out...only they know and God know...


"Oh almighty God, i've face a lot of problem in church. i just don't know how to help them. please help me Lord. pour down Your over-flowed blessing and wisdom unto me so i can use the glory You've gave me to bless the church. and Lord, i am confuse of this thing. am i using the wrong way?so God, please help me. please let me know what You want me to do. cause i know tha Your way is higher than my way, Your thought is higher than my thought. i love You Lord for You are my Heavenly Father. in the name of Jesus i end this prayer with Amen."